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Cleaning Teeth
Cannon AFB (Clovis, NM)
November 3rd, 1999

My patient was scheduled to come in at 7:30 a.m. It was 7:35 a.m. After calling my patients back to my cubicle, I usually have them rinse with Listerine, but since I was running late I skipped that step and got down to business. I reviewed his medical history, put on my gloves and mask, and leaned him back in the dental chair.

Upon opening his mouth, I smelled an odor that now ranks on my top ten list of “Things I Never Want to Smell Again In This Lifetime”. Imagine, if you will, the scent of hemorrhoids and multiply by 1,000. My eyes, they watered.

I considered asking him to rinse with Listerine, but my military training helped me gut out the rest of the appointment. Still, I made sure to focus on “tongue brushing” during my oral hygiene lecture. Never underestimate the tongue. (KS)

Being Big Fuck
August 1997
Athens, Ohio

I am a big fuck. Once I had sex with a girl and then pretended to fall a sleep so that she would leave and I could go out and party with my friends. She did, and 30 minutes later I was down at the bar getting hammered and finding new girls to be a jerk to. What is it with girls falling all over guys that are dicks? I mean, I have grown up since college and now try to be a nice guy. But women stop talking to me after a couple of hours. Maybe I should be an asshole and get more sex. (SE)









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