In the Print Edition

Departments:

letters to the editor
(pretty goddamn self-explanatory)

five dollars for five questions
(actually, it's $1 and a cookie)

our twisted friends
(teeth are not a prerequisite for sex)

failing at capitalism
(learning the hard way that the internet is a waste of time)

jack villari's wayward advice
(bed-wetting is rare and highly contemptible)

photos
(threesome orgy. really.)

reviews
(dead bodies, parents having sex, etc.)

bands kyle hates
(this issue: Cave In)

Features:

st3'aight
(on the trail of the last living wigger)

andrew the fucking patriot
(saving the world through sleep deprivation)

right thong, wrong person
(who threw this catholic schoolgirl in jail?)

anatomy of an infestation
(cockroach killer, cockroach killer, cha-cha-cha)

windy city hunger
(aka: how not to hump up the corporate ranks)

art director of the damned
(texas chainsaw massacre's bob burns talks about re-animator fluid)

confessions of a teenage panty sniffer
(fond reminiscences of puberty gone awry)

in burlesque, bigger is better
(the glamazons and meryl "lady" finger bring curves back to cabaret)

silent night, holy hell
(we're sure you don't want this for christmas)

jiminy cricket, meet betty crocker
(people got bugs in their bellies)

Click here to find the nearest store carrying Rated Rookie

On the Cover

Bob Burns: Art Director of the Damned

On the Web

jam master jay is dead (one dead hip-hopper + an unemployed copy editor = poverty)

community dispatch: mike & natural light (an alcoholic fable featuring the gloved one's godfather)

News & Events

Rated Rookie #5 is now shipping to stores and subscribers. Our website will be updated soon.